Morning Docket

* Come August, The Wisconsin Supreme Court will be a majority Democrat. Liberals in the state have big plans — particularly on abortion and voting rights. [Huffington Post]

* The DOJ and FTC have released new merger guidelines. They want to bring antitrust enforcement back to its roots. [Law360]

* Want a corporate board seat? Now’s your moment! Thanks to increased regulations everyone wants an attorney on their board. [Bloomberg Law]

* Sam Bankman-Fried will finally shut up. The talkative founder of crypto exchange FTX has accepted a gag order in the criminal case against him, though his attorney contest that his previous interviews with reporters amounts to witness tampering. [Reuters]

* Biglaw “caste system”? Sounds pretty accurate to me. [Law.com]

* With more legal threat closing in, Donald Trump is only getting Trump-ier. Thankfully, that’s unlikely to work in court. [Salon]

* FTC will drop its opposition to the Microsoft-Activision merger. While it’s going to go down as a loss, the agency secured some key concessions from Microsoft over cross-platform access. [Yahoo]

* Everything you need to know about Elon Musk’s complaint over Wachtell’s success fee. [Legal Eagle-YouTube]

* It’s the Women’s World Cup and that means Bethany England will miss her law degree graduation… for a second time. [LegalCheek]

* Federal public defenders likely victims of a congressional budgeting error. As a reminder, the Department of Defense has failed five consecutive audits and can’t find hundreds of millions of dollars. But, yeah, cutbacks at the public defenders. [ABA Journal]

* The importance of the DOJ joining the fight over Mississippi’s whites-only court regime. [Reuters]

* AI companies offer up guardrails in bid to quell growing government scrutiny. Because that always works well when industries self-regulate. [Bloomberg Law News]

* FTX wants hundreds of millions back from SBF. Will they take it in bored ape NFTs? [Law360]

* Corporate Counsel names the finalists for its best legal department awards. Come see if FTX made the list! [Corporate Counsel]

* Taylor Swift hires Venable attorney as general counsel. [Minute Mirror]

* Tom Cotton doesn’t actually legislate, but he does write letters like an elderly shut-in complaining to the local paper about the weather. His latest attempt at making a pen pal involved writing 51 law firms to warn them that he thinks hiring diverse attorneys violates the Supreme Court’s college admissions opinion. [Law360]

* Senate panel poised to pass Supreme Court ethics package that will die on the vine after this. [Reuters]

* Government unveils new merger guidelines to replace the old guidelines that encouraged bigger and bigger mergers. When people say the government keeps losing antitrust cases, a big part of that is the pre-existing pro-merger guidelines that the government just made up decades ago. [New York Times]

* A profile of retired Judge David Tatel as he heads to Hogan Lovells to work on pro bono matters. [Bloomberg Law News]

* The other day we featured a story about a lawyer leaving the job to cycle through the Americas so it’s only fair to balance that with a two-time Olympic cyclist who became a lawyer representing injured cyclists. [ABA Journal]

* While others talk layoffs, Paul Weiss announced it’s still looking at first-year applicants. And when it comes to job security, Paul Weiss has a strong reputation. [Intuitive Career Coaching]

* Contract waiver… it’s the real thing. [Corporate Counsel]

* Vivek Ramaswamy continues to run for president for some unknown reason and just released his Supreme Court shortlist focused on the most unqualified and tantrum prone judges on the Federalist Society bench. Demeaning the bench is now a feature and not a bug. [Washington Post]

* Illinois Supreme Court upholds bail reform, rejecting bizarre argument that “only allowing rich defendants out of jail” was a constitutional issue. [CNN]

* Accomplished public interest lawyer confirmed to the Sixth Circuit. It used to be all it took to get on the Sixth Circuit was an anti-gay blogging profile. [Reuters]

* Judge Pauline Newman appeared on a podcast to discuss the efforts to sideline her. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Ben Crump enters the Northwestern football hazing scandal to represent a number of the players. The more you dig into this case the more you realize why this football team wanted to unionize so badly. [USA Today]

* Beware the legally binding emoji. [Legaltech News]

* Harlan Crow got a tax break for designating his superyacht as a profit-seeking venture. Though it seems like its voyages were limited to shuttling around his buddies like BFF Clarence Thomas. [Pro Publica]

* California Supreme Court rules that U.S. Supreme Court can’t boss it around. [SF Chronicle]

* Trump’s legal team heads to Judge Cannon’s courtroom today to give us another peak at how wacky this case will be. [Reuters]

* AI is often touted for access to justice, but without care it might make things worse. [Financial Times]

* USC Law appoints first Black dean. [Law.com]

* College athletes can earn money now, which means they can be scammed now. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Criminal division of the Department of Justice losing its boss to private practice. [Law360]

* Federal courts consider continuing COVID-era streaming of proceedings. Just like all the ethical rules, this won’t apply to the Supreme Court. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Some firms have moved to four mandatory office days… but it’s been a “slow trickle.” And Biglaw isn’t used to slow trickles when it comes to policy changes. [American Lawyer]

* Judge rules state ban on high-capacity magazines does not violate Second Amendment. So start the clock on this getting struck down. [CNN]

* Biglaw attorney quits to bicycle from Canada to Argentina. [LegalCheek]

* Shocking no one, when police bar the ticky-tack justifications for pretextual stops, pretextual stops go down. [Reuters]

* More Twitter execs suing for unpaid legal bills. This guy really hates Biglaw fees, huh? [Law360]

* A slice of history when first-year associates were only making $70K. That’s $188K in today’s dollars. Of course private law school tuition averaged under $10K/year then, which under be around $27K/year in today’s dollars. Instead it costs around $50K so associates are still falling behind. [Intuitive Career Coaching]

* Here we go again! Biden uses another avenue to issue some of the student debt relief blocked by Republicans in the Super Legislature. [Reuters] * After the Supreme Court opened the floodgates to foreign knockoffs, IP lawyers are left “questioning” what’s left. [Bloomberg Law News] * Fake money leads to real federal fraud charges. […]

* The FTC is appealing its case against the Microsoft-Activision merger. There’s a lot of talk about the FTC “failing” but even in losing they forced Microsoft to publicly claim it wouldn’t make key franchises XBox exclusives and… that’s a victory in itself. Successful litigation doesn’t have to end in a win to have been a smart case to bring. [Law360]

* But, because everything is stupid now, the FTC is going to get grilled in a congressional hearing. [Reuters]

* Gun ban in state parks upheld because the law has never been enforced and may never be… haven’t these people heard of 303 Creative? You don’t need any of that anymore. [Hartford Courant]

* Allen & Overy’s managing partner has stepped down in the midst of the Shearman merger negotiations. [Bloomberg Law News]

* The Titanic sub disaster underscores the need for robust anti-SLAPP laws. [Daily Beast]

* NCBE unveils its nextgen bar exam questions. They are not much better than the existing questions. [Law.com]

* A new wrinkle in the hybrid office reality: small firms sharing office space. A new ethics opinion deals with this issue and hopefully settles who gets to decide if the toilet paper is overhanded or underhanded. [ABA Journal]

* In bothsideism push, conservatives are hyping that Sotomayor’s book tour makes hosts purchase copies. Putting aside that this is how book tours work everywhere, the complaint underscores that Alito and Thomas defenders think the problem is “justices making money” as opposed to “justices getting paid by parties trying to influence the judges.” [AP]

* Lawsuit brought against Idaho’s abortion travel ban. [Law.com]

* It’s not just law firms forcing people back to in-person work just because old partners feel lonely. Judges are willing to let the wheels of justice grind if it gives them some playmates throughout the day. [New York Law Journal]

* “Judges Confused by Supreme Court’s Historical Test for Gun Laws.” It can be confusing if you get tripped up on the “historical” part. But it’s really easy once you ignore all the actual history and only use the gun manufacturer fan fiction account in Bruen. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Mainstream media asking snide questions about antitrust law after Microsoft ruling. [NY Times]

* Judge Newman’s battle with the rest of the Federal Circuit now has a mediator. [Law360]

* This is a shocker, but law firms aren’t all that great at business. [Law.com]

* Jones Day tried to pile the risk of sanctions atop a summary judgment motion that hasn’t even been decided yet. The judge declined to indulge this lunacy. [Reuters]

* Steve Bannon ordered to pay his bills. [CNBC]

* Northwestern fired its football coach after the campus paper uncovered a string of hazing abuses. He’s hired Winston & Strawn. [The Spun]

* Proposing a ChatGPT tax to cover the cost of AI mistakes. Some form of mandatory liability insurance is probably more efficient, but yeah. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Firms need to get a jump on recruiting clerks, but “mid-trial” is too much of a jump. [Law360]

* Lawyers don’t understand lawyer talk either. [Scientific American]

* While Elon Musk merely whines about Facebook, he actually filed a suit against Wachtell for the $90 million in fees the firm generated whipping Elon in the first place. Now, if he can just get back that $90 million… and then another $30 billion he’d be back where he started. [Law360]

* Law firm mergers aren’t crossing borders as much anymore, which is a pity since merging presents sort of an existential crisis for UK firms. [American Lawyer]

* Sarah Silverman sues AI developers for training on copyrighted material. Defense likely to argue “yeah, but our output still sort of sucks so there’s no harm.” [Reuters]

* Private credit on the rise as core Biglaw practice area, so remember this when the economy collapses in 10 years and everyone cites “private credit.” [Bloomberg Law News]

* “Testi-lied” is super clever! Also super gonna get you censured. [ABA Journal]

* Florida will stop recognizing certain state IDs. In case you needed a “full faith and credit” hypo for your exam. [Yahoo]

* Federal judge wants the dysfunctional Federal Circuit to go to couples therapy — or mediation as he called it. [Bloomberg Law News]

* California decides it’s far too difficult to hold employers liable for exposing employees to COVID so it just… won’t. [Law360]

* Judge in trouble for lip synching. Like you’d WANT to hear a judge’s singing voice? [ABA Journal]

* Supreme Court looks to make it safe for violent domestic abusers to stockpile guns again. Maybe they’ll bother to read the cases they cite… unlike the circuit court. [Reuters]

* Top ten highest paid CEO list reveals it’s good to be in legal tech. [CNBC]

* Employers are finally stepping up and suing health insurers for continually screwing over employees in case you’re looking for a lawsuit with the least sympathetic defendants imaginable. [Bloomberg Law News]

* It’s arraigning men… or at least one man as Walt Nauta heads to the courthouse today. [Reuters]

* AI won’t disrupt the legal world for a good while yet. [LegalCheek]

* Cop shows never read the second half of Miranda and it shows. [ProPublica]

* Did you know not to use a Sharpie for redactions? I thought everyone did, but apparently not. [Legaltech News]

* JetBlue won’t appeal antitrust loss in bid to secure larger market share a different way. [Law360]

* Ken Paxton will not testify at his impeachment trial. I mean… why add perjury to this list? [Reuters]

* The revelation that the attorneys in 303 Creative tried to create fictional standing can’t force the Court to revisit the case, but could be the basis of ethical claims against the attorneys. Just because the Supreme Court is in on the fraud doesn’t make it any less of a fraud. [Yahoo Sports]

* Federal judge who had already become a go to judge for the “let’s all die of COVID” lobby, blocks White House from communicating with social media platforms, complaining that the government had done too much to push back against anti-vaxx misinformation. [Business Insider]

* It will shock you to learn that a core Trump business interest is slapped with an $18 million SEC fine. [Law360]

* The morass of web-scraping laws and the future of AI. [Bloomberg Law News]

* While everyone focused on the Supreme Court’s broad-based assault on constitutional and statutory norms last week, they also quietly kicked to the curb a challenge aimed at a law explicitly created as part of Jim Crow voter suppression. [The Guardian]

* Lawyer accused of murdering lawyer father. [NY Post]

* Joe Biden criticizes Supreme Court but confirms that he’s unwilling to do a single thing about it so… good talk, champ! [NY Times]

* It’s never RIC-O My God It Is!!! Former Ohio House Speaker gets 20 years in bribery case. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Reed Smith associate who first reported racist messages posted by trial lawyer testifies at disciplinary proceedings. [Law360]

* FTX sues its former attorney for allegedly aiding in fraud. [Reuters]

* Divorce attorney writes incest-fueled romance novel. [Roll on Friday]

* Trump’s unofficial election lawyer superteam sanctions to be sanctioned for ‘whole raft’ of baseless claims. [ABA Journal]

* Microsoft lawyer accidentally informs judge that Elder Scrolls 16 is coming in 2026, which is funny because it would require Bethesda to put out 10 non-buggy games without multiple years of delays. [Game Rant]

* While Sam Alito rewrote laws to help oil and gas exploit more land, his wife was… making land deals with oil and gas companies. But I guess that’s okay because his wife’s money isn’t “adjacent” to him because the couple is not physically “continuously connected.” [The Intercept]

* Law professor who feels persecuted because law schools hire other professors to teach classes about racism is going after a law school for having a “students of color” outreach program. By the end of the week, he’s probably going to have the Supreme Court’s backing on that one. [NY Post]

* So many of the problems facing Ron DeSantis could be solved by taking 10 minutes to read the Constitution. [CBS News]

* California’s ban on using public funds to travel to states with pro-bigotry laws on the books has hurt Black academics who can’t travel to conferences in those states. Which was the obvious outcome. Unless California plans to put resources behind bidding on and hosting all of these national conferences, the policy is always going to turn out this way. [Los Angeles Times]

* The FTC plans to file a sweeping antitrust suit against Amazon in a few weeks. It took a lot longer to deliver than a Prime package, but it’s worth the wait. [Bloomberg Law News]

* UK law firms worried that ChatGPT might be writing job applications. Oh no! How will firms survive once AI learns to write “I think my greatest weakness is that I care too much about the work.” [Law.com International]

* “Privacy Suit Says AI Could ‘Decide To Eliminate The Species.'” Or worse: cover letters. [Law360]

* Trump countersues in the E. Jean Carroll defamation suit. He also asserts that the defamatory statements themselves are “privileged and protected under the doctrine of absolute presidential immunity.” For those of you studying for the bar, that’s what we mean when we say, “first eliminate the obviously wrong answer.” [New York Times]

* Rudy Giuliani interviewed in the January 6 probe. He’s gonna need to make some more Cameos! [AP News]

* Term limits for active status federal judges is a sensible, simple reform to maintain the integrity of the judiciary and disrupt the “race to the bottom” incentivizing the nomination of unqualified young judges. But if that’s NOT the system, then you all need to leave Judge Newman alone. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Amazon has some sort of blacklist to undermine IP attorneys, “while directing them to their own Amazon Accelerator Program and their ‘curated’ attorneys.” They’ve settled defamation claims already, but I’d imagine some state bar might be interested in knowing what, exactly, goes into joining that “curated” list. [Law.com]

* Chancellor laughs off Disney investor suit looking to make a case out of the company’s decision to oppose bigotry and, ultimately, drag Supreme Court dicta into a fight. [Law360]

* Kevin Spacey goes to court in wide-ranging sex offense trial. [Reuters]

* How do firms motivate attorneys in the modern era. I’m sure telling them to abandon their kids or you’re cutting their compensation will work! [American Lawyer]

* Legal departments preparing for a sharp uptick in litigation. Wow, this would be a really convenient time to accidentally delete 47 million emails, huh? [Corporate Counsel]

* Judge Aileen Cannon rejects (without prejudice though) the DOJ bid to keep a long list of witness names sealed. Folks are going to jump all over this but… this seems right? At least without more support from DOJ. [The Guardian]

* Louisiana lawyer bought 8,888 Jell-O shots. While that sounds like a normal Monday in Louisiana, in this case it was a charity event for the College World Series. [WDSU]

* Convict punches lawyer after conviction. [NY Post]

* RiteAid is dropping law firms with personal ties to executives, which is impressive because Supreme Court justices won’t even cut loose litigants with close personal ties. [Bloomberg Law News]

* FTX says they’ve recovered $7B. That’s great and all, but maybe we could invest that in some magic bean tokens and see what happens! [Law360]

* Biglaw collections experience slowdown. Time for Cravath to break out Rocco and Sal to break a few thumbs over at PwC. [American Lawyer]

* A look at how judges manage to deal with gift offers besides just hopping on a private jet. [Bloomberg Law News]

* JP Morgan fined by SEC after deleting 47 million emails involved in multiple investigations. Oopsie! [CNBC]

* Fenwick doesn’t have to produce documents in Sam Bankman-Fried case with judge ruling that the defense was just looking for value in nothing. [Law360]

* Judge Luttig, formerly of the Fourth Circuit, wrote a brutal rebuke of the Republican party’s Trump addiction. [New York Times]

* Microsoft remains cool as workers organize, putting pressure on the rest of the video game industry. [Bloomberg Law News]

* A ranking of television lawyers. Not sure about any list without Harvey Birdman, but all right. [Giant Freakin Robot]

* Downed sub had passengers sign waivers but those aren’t necessarily holding up in court. [Reuters]

* Speaking of the sub, the passenger who missed the tragic dive is a lawyer. [MarketWatch]

* Canada makes Facebook & Google pay media outlets for links. You know what that means, Canadian friends? Time to start posting more humorous and insightful stories from Above the Law! [Wall Street Journal]

* Facebook says it will retaliate by ending news access in Canada entirely. Good luck with that… because people definitely scroll Facebook for the cat pictures. [CNN]

* And George Santos got bail help from… his family. Just like he said. WOW. He said something and then it turned out to be true! [Courthouse News Service]

* Law360 releases its “176 Under 40” list. Real rigorous vetting process there… blowing by the right number for an “under 40” list by a cool 136. [Law360]

* Prosecutor fired by DeSantis for refusing to enforce abortion crimes can’t get his job back because he took six months before filing. Do they have a 6-week limit on this too? [Bloomberg Law News]