In-House Counsel

4 Things Outside Counsel Can Do Instead Of Taking Me To Dinner

The need to develop business can be hard. In-house counsel haven’t forgotten.

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NetworkingLet me start off by saying – I get it.

I understand the need for the hustle. While it has been at least seven years since I moved in-house, I have not forgotten the need to develop business and how hard it can be.

At the same time, now that I’m on this side of it, I can understand more intimately why a coffee, drink, lunch, or dinner, although complimentary and generous, may not be the most appealing use of my time. I can only speak to myself, but there are a few reasons for this.

First, as an introvert, I have most likely spent most of my day depleting my energy by engaging and talking with others. The last thing I want to do is talk some more. My poor extroverted husband can attest to this when I can barely grunt in response to his chipper conversation when he gets home.

Second, as a work-outside-the-home mom of three (ages 7, 5, and 1), I want to get home to my babies and connect with them. I am very aware that my time with them, while they still like me, is finite.

Lastly, the siren’s call of productivity is hard to resist. Even though I don’t have to bill, I still have clients waiting on me for things — and an hour and a half away from the workday just means that I have to work after the kids are in bed or make it up somewhere else.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I appreciate the asks, and I know that having my company as a client may be very helpful, and you want to build a relationship. But here are some other ideas that you may want to consider instead of the usual dinner.

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Pro Bono/Community Service/Philanthropy

Again, I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, I love the idea of getting to know my outside counsel through working together on a pro bono case or side by side doing some community service or serving on a philanthropic board. I see it as a “win-win.” We get to spend time together but also do good together. It gives us something to talk about just in case my introverted self can’t carry the conversation. Plus, to the extent our employers care, it is good branding for them. Lastly, it lessens the mom guilt a bit. I get to share with my kiddos why I was away for a bit, and it becomes a teachable moment about the importance of community service.

Include My Family

While not all in-house counsel are parents, they still have family or people they consider family. And who do you think are most influential in their lives? Yup, the family. So why not include the family in business development events?

For me, it is a way for us to connect without me accruing the mom guilt. And yes, while it is harder to have meaningful conversation with the chaos of my kids around, you should know and trust that my kids remember your name and how you invited us to the fun movie where they got all the candy they wanted. My husband will remember that you remember him, and how you bought him a drink, and the fun conversation you both had cause he’s the extrovert.

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See Me

This may seem like an odd category, but what I mean by this is to personalize the invite to what you know about me. While I don’t love going to dinner, I will think twice if it’s to the exclusive omakase place whose reservations fill up within minutes. I definitely won’t decline if I can bring my spouse. Or maybe you know that I love fiction so you invite me to a book signing with an up-and-coming author. Perhaps you know that I’m super passionate about a particular cause or that I co-founded a nonprofit, and you want to sponsor one of our events. These are the things that make you stand out, and because they are in activities which I love and that give me life, the introvert in me will stand down.

Help Me Shine

Last, but certainly not least, it is hard to forget someone who helps you shine — whether it is talking me up to my leadership or nominating me for an award (that you genuinely think I’m qualified for) or thinking of me for a panel or other speaking opportunity (presuming I’m into speaking). Flattery doesn’t get very far because my imposter syndrome won’t let me feel it. But if you take the time to help me get external validation? Or grow my brand? Let me put it this way: it is hard to forget someone who is invested in you.

In closing, relationship-building is about building trust, which takes time. I don’t think there are shortcuts to that time, but your goal is to get through the door, to get a bit of access. And for that, consider how your prospective client or client would rather spend their time — and go there.

Meyling Mey Ly OrtizMeyling “Mey” Ly Ortiz is in-house at Toyota Motor North America. Her passions include mentoring, championing belonging, and a personal blog: TheMeybe.com. At home, you can find her doing her best to be a “fun” mom to a toddler and preschooler and chasing her best self on her Peloton. You can follow her on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/meybe/). And you knew this was coming: her opinions are hers alone.

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